Hello All, I am in the worst frame of mind as I write my story. I am not able to cope with the struggles of married life. I will try to be as articulate as possible.
I have been married for more than 7 years. It was an arranged marriage, arranged by parents. Soon after marriage problems started creeping up. I will write in order how problems started creeping up and what is the state today. Writing specific details would be make the post too long.
1. Soon after marriage my husband never valued me. My MIL treated me as maid. My SIL trashed me at every opportunity she got. For instance, SIL, MIL and H told that my parents had not pure silver items but fake silver items in my marriage and they all laughed. They made fun of my appearance. SIL claimed I had grey hair because I had applied Loreal soft brown hair color. I was a bit on the fashionable side during my college days (I like to try out new hairstyles, make up and clothing - I was cheerful and full of life. Before my marriage - life used to be so much fun and life itself was a celebration to me) These are some examples of the ridicule I have faced as a new bride in that house. BIL also insulted me.
2. H never valued me - He was oogling at my friends who came to my wedding. On my wedding night, he asked me to introduce my friend to him and told me that my friend looked lovely during my reception. He keeps oogling at women and does not think it is wrong. We didnt go to honeymoon because he would miss his sister.
3. After my child was born he felt too burdened and left me alone to fend for myself. He came back after 2 years. When ever I tried to go to his home, he would go to office in the morning and his mother would give me a horrible time. I even had to struggle to get warm water to bathe my child. My husband never believed me and continued supporting his mother.
4. By the 3rd year of my marriage I was emotionally checked out of the relationship. I was living with my parents. I did not want to go back to him but my parents pressured me to go back to him because they did not want to keep a married daughter home. I did not have the money to live independently and take care of a child. So I went back to him
5. Things did not improve after I went back to my husband. Continuous bullying and manipulating continued. His oogling and indecent behavior behind women continued without shame. I stopped have physical contact with him because of this. Fights on petty issues continued. Examples of fights - He would empty hot water from the tank and expect me to take cold water shower. When I made him wait for the water to heat up he would argue argue argue argue that water is warm enough for me to take bath. If I by mistake took a wrong route, he would yell at me and scold me. If I would go a few minutes late to school to pick up my child, he would be so rude to me till I cried. He claims I don't do any work while I take up 90% of household work. He often would tell that he should have called off the wedding and he knew it would not work out. He thinks it is fun to have another wife alongside me so that one can do household work and the other can be by his side. I developed different kinds of stress related illness.
6. He speaks a lot of pervert and cheap things which I dont like. When ever I am speaking to him anything, he ignores me. Because of this ignoring, I have stopped speaking to him. He also does not care to initiate a talk with me. It has been 2 months since we have spoken to each other.
Is this the last stage of this marriage. Should I simply end this marriage. He does not want to initiate divorce. He asks me to initiate divorce. My parents would not support me if I initiate divorce. I do have a good job but am not sure I can manage the child alone with my job. Please suggest me what to do. I feel life as burden and punishment now.
I have been married for more than 7 years. It was an arranged marriage, arranged by parents. Soon after marriage problems started creeping up. I will write in order how problems started creeping up and what is the state today. Writing specific details would be make the post too long.
1. Soon after marriage my husband never valued me. My MIL treated me as maid. My SIL trashed me at every opportunity she got. For instance, SIL, MIL and H told that my parents had not pure silver items but fake silver items in my marriage and they all laughed. They made fun of my appearance. SIL claimed I had grey hair because I had applied Loreal soft brown hair color. I was a bit on the fashionable side during my college days (I like to try out new hairstyles, make up and clothing - I was cheerful and full of life. Before my marriage - life used to be so much fun and life itself was a celebration to me) These are some examples of the ridicule I have faced as a new bride in that house. BIL also insulted me.
2. H never valued me - He was oogling at my friends who came to my wedding. On my wedding night, he asked me to introduce my friend to him and told me that my friend looked lovely during my reception. He keeps oogling at women and does not think it is wrong. We didnt go to honeymoon because he would miss his sister.
3. After my child was born he felt too burdened and left me alone to fend for myself. He came back after 2 years. When ever I tried to go to his home, he would go to office in the morning and his mother would give me a horrible time. I even had to struggle to get warm water to bathe my child. My husband never believed me and continued supporting his mother.
4. By the 3rd year of my marriage I was emotionally checked out of the relationship. I was living with my parents. I did not want to go back to him but my parents pressured me to go back to him because they did not want to keep a married daughter home. I did not have the money to live independently and take care of a child. So I went back to him
5. Things did not improve after I went back to my husband. Continuous bullying and manipulating continued. His oogling and indecent behavior behind women continued without shame. I stopped have physical contact with him because of this. Fights on petty issues continued. Examples of fights - He would empty hot water from the tank and expect me to take cold water shower. When I made him wait for the water to heat up he would argue argue argue argue that water is warm enough for me to take bath. If I by mistake took a wrong route, he would yell at me and scold me. If I would go a few minutes late to school to pick up my child, he would be so rude to me till I cried. He claims I don't do any work while I take up 90% of household work. He often would tell that he should have called off the wedding and he knew it would not work out. He thinks it is fun to have another wife alongside me so that one can do household work and the other can be by his side. I developed different kinds of stress related illness.
6. He speaks a lot of pervert and cheap things which I dont like. When ever I am speaking to him anything, he ignores me. Because of this ignoring, I have stopped speaking to him. He also does not care to initiate a talk with me. It has been 2 months since we have spoken to each other.
Is this the last stage of this marriage. Should I simply end this marriage. He does not want to initiate divorce. He asks me to initiate divorce. My parents would not support me if I initiate divorce. I do have a good job but am not sure I can manage the child alone with my job. Please suggest me what to do. I feel life as burden and punishment now.