Ladies, I have been posting my in-laws woes all these months here and am unable to decide on the next course of action. Because of all my sufferings, I felt that it is better to stay abroad and avoid weekly dramas of my in-laws. But, when I read the vents of all the NRI ladies here, I feel even such ladies are not at peace due to their in-laws. Some have reported how they are treated as easy-ATMs by their in-laws and how they dread visits by their inlaws because they are taken for granted.
Pros:
1.) Can avoid daily dramas of in-laws and the extended family
2.) Can maintain greater marital privacy (intimacy) and emerge as a stronger family unit
3.) Would have more time for oneself and family, and hubby would have greater time for us and the kids
4.) Can avoid interference in non-trivial as well as trivial matters and stop them from controlling us
Cons:
1.) Treated as a free ATM doling out whopping amounts and everyone asserts rights on this supposedly free money
2.) Can still control our lives by daily phone calls and long distance dramas
3.) If they visit abroad, it would be for the entire duration of the visa which is almost 6 months, unlike in India, and despite any and every hurting dramas one cannot escape them for 6 months - these esp happen during the pregnancy of the DIL
4.) On certain dependent visas, it may be very difficult to get a job for oneself thus the DIL may have to sacrifice her career for a long time
5.) If there are any major issues with DH due to ILs or otherwise, you have no one to go to, no emotional succour.
6.) One might feel homesick and cut off from own family and own country. Thus staying abroad only to avoid in-law dramas may not be the best option.
What are your thoughts esp NRI ladies ? Please comment on each of the above pros and cons. Please add any new points you deem appropriate so that we can weigh the pros against the cons and come to a conclusion. Also, please point out if there is a certain phase in our married lives when it works to stay abroad and when it doesn't!
Pros:
1.) Can avoid daily dramas of in-laws and the extended family
2.) Can maintain greater marital privacy (intimacy) and emerge as a stronger family unit
3.) Would have more time for oneself and family, and hubby would have greater time for us and the kids
4.) Can avoid interference in non-trivial as well as trivial matters and stop them from controlling us
Cons:
1.) Treated as a free ATM doling out whopping amounts and everyone asserts rights on this supposedly free money
2.) Can still control our lives by daily phone calls and long distance dramas
3.) If they visit abroad, it would be for the entire duration of the visa which is almost 6 months, unlike in India, and despite any and every hurting dramas one cannot escape them for 6 months - these esp happen during the pregnancy of the DIL
4.) On certain dependent visas, it may be very difficult to get a job for oneself thus the DIL may have to sacrifice her career for a long time
5.) If there are any major issues with DH due to ILs or otherwise, you have no one to go to, no emotional succour.
6.) One might feel homesick and cut off from own family and own country. Thus staying abroad only to avoid in-law dramas may not be the best option.
What are your thoughts esp NRI ladies ? Please comment on each of the above pros and cons. Please add any new points you deem appropriate so that we can weigh the pros against the cons and come to a conclusion. Also, please point out if there is a certain phase in our married lives when it works to stay abroad and when it doesn't!