This is my third time posting about this problem, but please I need your help. Was I really being unfair, Was I making a mistake?
We had a big argument on Feb and my husband slapped me when I did not agree on the issue of getting pregnant. It was for the fifth time.
Over the following 4 months:
-I distanced myself from my husband.
-Physically I was not intimate with him.
-I did not initiate conversations with him. When he talked I answered him.
-We had some friends over at that time for a week and they guessed that something was wrong. When I talked to my husband I didnt smile or laugh at his jokes ad it was obvious from my body language that something was wrong.
-Publicly or privately, I did not allow him to touch me, even casually.
-I took care of the stuff I had always been taking care of and informed him of the important events.
-He said sorry 4-5 times but I didnt consider it. I told him I need to see a change in him to forgive him. I dont need his apology. I gave him a list of the signs I wanted to see in him.
He now wants to save the marriage but he says what I had been doing since that time is extremely wrong. He accused me that I hadnt been behaving like a proper wife to him. As a man and as the head of the household it becomes his responsibility to think and plan about the future.
Because of my behavior at that time, he couldn't discuss some important things with me.
He admits that what he did was wrong but the way I behaved is wrong too. That is his opinion. He has already spoken to a psychiatrist and a third person who have clarified things to him. He says for the past 2 years since our marriage, he was always thinking about me and my career and how to get it on track.
I got a residency only because of his exemplary behavior at the job.
It is not like he was beating me daily for no reason. The reasons he had were pretty important and were about big things like job interviews, children or because I revealed something I shouldnt have by mistake. As this is an arranged marriage there should be some understanding and patience on both sides.
He also accused me of a lot of nasty stuff and I find it difficult to believe that with that much amount of doubt on a person why does he even want this marriage to succeed. When I asked him that, he said he spoke so because he was angry but then what he said were true after all.
These things were: -I wanted to live a home life without having to be intimate with him, without the stress of kids, just to live a jolly life.
-I hid my PCOS from him before marriage.
-Me and my mother want to make him like a servant.
-I didnt bring jewellery form home ( even though he asked me to ) because we have plans to disregard our agreement of dowry before marriage.
The psychiatrist had brushed aside his porn/BDSM addiction/live webcam chats with call girls as unimportant.
By encouraging my behavior my parents are breaking up our marriage.
He says that I need psychiatrist/counselor's help. And is all for going to one. He even wants to lay it all before a lot of mutual friends. He is pretty confident that he will come smelling of roses because he had admitted to his mistakes but I haven't admitted to mine.
Yesterday he talked to me and asked about my two- month vacation to home. Generally tried to initiate conversation and keep going. And says he wants to save marriage that is why he is doing this. He wants to be close to me. I was pretty numb yesterday from hearing all this.
My thoughts:
I know a wrong when I see one. Ever since that incident I have tried to act in a mature manner and make sure neither of us would suffer in the long term.
I wish I had called the cops and gotten out when he first slapped me. I ought to have done that. Like a stupid person I thought what that would do to his life and career.
According to me my marriage ended the moment he laid a hand on me in anger. My mindset switched to co-habitation and I have lived accordingly.
I dont think I can live with a person who has so little trust in me. Sure he made some valid points reg my behavior but how else was I supposed to have acted.
Just wondering if I should agree to counselling. I was almost prepared to leave him.
Am scared of doing wrong. If I am to leave when would the best time; when I am financially independent? after I have given couselling a try?
We had a big argument on Feb and my husband slapped me when I did not agree on the issue of getting pregnant. It was for the fifth time.
Over the following 4 months:
-I distanced myself from my husband.
-Physically I was not intimate with him.
-I did not initiate conversations with him. When he talked I answered him.
-We had some friends over at that time for a week and they guessed that something was wrong. When I talked to my husband I didnt smile or laugh at his jokes ad it was obvious from my body language that something was wrong.
-Publicly or privately, I did not allow him to touch me, even casually.
-I took care of the stuff I had always been taking care of and informed him of the important events.
-He said sorry 4-5 times but I didnt consider it. I told him I need to see a change in him to forgive him. I dont need his apology. I gave him a list of the signs I wanted to see in him.
He now wants to save the marriage but he says what I had been doing since that time is extremely wrong. He accused me that I hadnt been behaving like a proper wife to him. As a man and as the head of the household it becomes his responsibility to think and plan about the future.
Because of my behavior at that time, he couldn't discuss some important things with me.
He admits that what he did was wrong but the way I behaved is wrong too. That is his opinion. He has already spoken to a psychiatrist and a third person who have clarified things to him. He says for the past 2 years since our marriage, he was always thinking about me and my career and how to get it on track.
I got a residency only because of his exemplary behavior at the job.
It is not like he was beating me daily for no reason. The reasons he had were pretty important and were about big things like job interviews, children or because I revealed something I shouldnt have by mistake. As this is an arranged marriage there should be some understanding and patience on both sides.
He also accused me of a lot of nasty stuff and I find it difficult to believe that with that much amount of doubt on a person why does he even want this marriage to succeed. When I asked him that, he said he spoke so because he was angry but then what he said were true after all.
These things were: -I wanted to live a home life without having to be intimate with him, without the stress of kids, just to live a jolly life.
-I hid my PCOS from him before marriage.
-Me and my mother want to make him like a servant.
-I didnt bring jewellery form home ( even though he asked me to ) because we have plans to disregard our agreement of dowry before marriage.
The psychiatrist had brushed aside his porn/BDSM addiction/live webcam chats with call girls as unimportant.
By encouraging my behavior my parents are breaking up our marriage.
He says that I need psychiatrist/counselor's help. And is all for going to one. He even wants to lay it all before a lot of mutual friends. He is pretty confident that he will come smelling of roses because he had admitted to his mistakes but I haven't admitted to mine.
Yesterday he talked to me and asked about my two- month vacation to home. Generally tried to initiate conversation and keep going. And says he wants to save marriage that is why he is doing this. He wants to be close to me. I was pretty numb yesterday from hearing all this.
My thoughts:
I know a wrong when I see one. Ever since that incident I have tried to act in a mature manner and make sure neither of us would suffer in the long term.
I wish I had called the cops and gotten out when he first slapped me. I ought to have done that. Like a stupid person I thought what that would do to his life and career.
According to me my marriage ended the moment he laid a hand on me in anger. My mindset switched to co-habitation and I have lived accordingly.
I dont think I can live with a person who has so little trust in me. Sure he made some valid points reg my behavior but how else was I supposed to have acted.
Just wondering if I should agree to counselling. I was almost prepared to leave him.
Am scared of doing wrong. If I am to leave when would the best time; when I am financially independent? after I have given couselling a try?