Hello guys
I have been following this forum from past 6 months and finally decided to share my story here .
I share a very messy relationship with my in laws that deteriorated further after their stay at our place for 3 months. Since mine is a love marriage, my DH introduced me to my in laws a long before our marriage. Me and my in laws stay in different states, but I tried my level best to build a good positive relationship with them( by sending flowers on mother's day, father's day, gifts on birthdays and anniversaries). I planned a visit to their place every 6 months to meet them so that they get enough time to know me as a person. Initially things were good between us, but they started going haywire when my DH asked them to now finally meet my parents and fix up the wedding date. My MIL's behavior suddenly changed, she started criticizing on my looks, caste, my family and always found ways to humiliate me over the phone or whenever I went to meet them. She even got down to a level of snatching menu card from my hands and not letting me order anything when I went out with her relatives for a lunch. I kept quiet all this while and bore everything silently because I knew that mothers do get insecure and she will be fine with the time or I can win her with my patience. My parents did all wedding arrangements and PILs didn't even bother what's happening on that front. 3 months before the wedding she called and asked me to either reduce my weight in this short time or post pone the wedding. I told my DH(fiancee then) about this, He said just do as she says because she is just finding ways to get a reaction out of you or your parents and stall the wedding.
So I went ahead did everything she asked me to do and still getting brutally humiliated by her in front of my SIL and her other relatives. As my husband is settled in US so we had to stay only for a week at his parents place after wedding. She again kept on taunting me for the week but I didn't react to her at all as I didn't want to leave for US ona bad note with her. The day we had to board our flight in the night and we were leaving for the same. She came angrily out of the kitchen and started shouting at me saying " "I will come and stay at my son's house every year for 3 months, Don't think that will be your house. It is my son's house". I felt so insulted because my SIL, her husband and other family members were there. This time I couldn't take it and told my husband that I am going downstairs. At the airport she started crying profusely and the drama of fainting, still keeping all bad vibes aside I hugged her and bid good bye. Her stupid behavior didn't end, She taunted me on each phone call that I used to dread saturdays. I still sent gifts for her reassuring that we have not changed.
She createdlotof misunderstandings between me and DH over the phone, messages or something else always creating tension between us. Now, she and FIL visited us for 3 months. This time my husband told me that don't listen to her crap and give it back to her politely, if something happens I wil tackle. I did lot of preparations to make her stay comfortable, planned every weekend out for them. When they came here, I took both of them out for shopping, but within 8 days of her stay,she started taunting me on being ugly, how she is repenting saying yes for me, she cries everyday if something can happen now( indirectly she meant that we should seperate). She said this consecutively for 4 days but I always changed the topic
to ignore any kind of confrontation, but she made a very bad remark on my family, and their background and I couldn't hold myself.I gave it back to her in a high voice( i know i am wrong here). After this ,I called my husband and toldhim everything. He came home and asked her why she said all such stuff about getting seperated and me and my family background. To my utmost shock,she said I am lying with a plain face and started putting allegations on me. When she saw my husband is not budging and still demanding an explanation from her, she ran towards with me in a fit of rage "I wont leave you, you want to take away my son, you area liar" etc. She charged at me not once but thrice,she could be only controlled when my FIL locked her. I completely stopped talking to her after this and only used to talk to my FIL for food or any other thing. She made lot of friendly gestures towards me but I rejectedall of them and just kept on doing my duty. we took them out as planned for trips or other weekend getaways, I got photos clicked with them (since she was concerned that all relatives will ask her about my absence fromthe photos). a week before they were suppose to go, one day my husband was home too. she started banging the vessels (broke two plates, glass) eyc ,so my DH asked herwhy areyou doing this? She tells him that we have not fulfilled our duty, asa daughter in law it is my duty to absorb whatever a mother in law says. I have worked very hard to educate you, now I needed someone on whom I can takeout my frustration but she doesnt talk to me. she started accusing my husband for doing love marriage and they got involved in a huge fight. I just said that I will call 911 if you guys wont stop shouting and howling, and breaking otherstuff. On this my MIL says prepone my tickeys I want to leave right now and gave a glare full of hatred and said you have taken away son, god will never forgive you. My husband in a fit of rage pre-poned their tickets and sent them back the next day. She told my husband, she doesn't have any kind of relationship with me. I don't know if this problem.aggravated if I answered her back orignored her friendly gestures after thefight. I never wanted them to go back like this and since then I am so guilt ridden and feeling depressed. I could have stayed silent as always but that would have ddeeply impacted my mental health. Am I bad person for raising my voice on her and then.threatening to call 911. I feel, I amthe reason behind their going back to India a week early. Now she will make me a vamp.amongst all the relatives. I am just too depressed:(
Sorry for such a long post but had to vent out somewhere.
I have been following this forum from past 6 months and finally decided to share my story here .
I share a very messy relationship with my in laws that deteriorated further after their stay at our place for 3 months. Since mine is a love marriage, my DH introduced me to my in laws a long before our marriage. Me and my in laws stay in different states, but I tried my level best to build a good positive relationship with them( by sending flowers on mother's day, father's day, gifts on birthdays and anniversaries). I planned a visit to their place every 6 months to meet them so that they get enough time to know me as a person. Initially things were good between us, but they started going haywire when my DH asked them to now finally meet my parents and fix up the wedding date. My MIL's behavior suddenly changed, she started criticizing on my looks, caste, my family and always found ways to humiliate me over the phone or whenever I went to meet them. She even got down to a level of snatching menu card from my hands and not letting me order anything when I went out with her relatives for a lunch. I kept quiet all this while and bore everything silently because I knew that mothers do get insecure and she will be fine with the time or I can win her with my patience. My parents did all wedding arrangements and PILs didn't even bother what's happening on that front. 3 months before the wedding she called and asked me to either reduce my weight in this short time or post pone the wedding. I told my DH(fiancee then) about this, He said just do as she says because she is just finding ways to get a reaction out of you or your parents and stall the wedding.
So I went ahead did everything she asked me to do and still getting brutally humiliated by her in front of my SIL and her other relatives. As my husband is settled in US so we had to stay only for a week at his parents place after wedding. She again kept on taunting me for the week but I didn't react to her at all as I didn't want to leave for US ona bad note with her. The day we had to board our flight in the night and we were leaving for the same. She came angrily out of the kitchen and started shouting at me saying " "I will come and stay at my son's house every year for 3 months, Don't think that will be your house. It is my son's house". I felt so insulted because my SIL, her husband and other family members were there. This time I couldn't take it and told my husband that I am going downstairs. At the airport she started crying profusely and the drama of fainting, still keeping all bad vibes aside I hugged her and bid good bye. Her stupid behavior didn't end, She taunted me on each phone call that I used to dread saturdays. I still sent gifts for her reassuring that we have not changed.
She createdlotof misunderstandings between me and DH over the phone, messages or something else always creating tension between us. Now, she and FIL visited us for 3 months. This time my husband told me that don't listen to her crap and give it back to her politely, if something happens I wil tackle. I did lot of preparations to make her stay comfortable, planned every weekend out for them. When they came here, I took both of them out for shopping, but within 8 days of her stay,she started taunting me on being ugly, how she is repenting saying yes for me, she cries everyday if something can happen now( indirectly she meant that we should seperate). She said this consecutively for 4 days but I always changed the topic
to ignore any kind of confrontation, but she made a very bad remark on my family, and their background and I couldn't hold myself.I gave it back to her in a high voice( i know i am wrong here). After this ,I called my husband and toldhim everything. He came home and asked her why she said all such stuff about getting seperated and me and my family background. To my utmost shock,she said I am lying with a plain face and started putting allegations on me. When she saw my husband is not budging and still demanding an explanation from her, she ran towards with me in a fit of rage "I wont leave you, you want to take away my son, you area liar" etc. She charged at me not once but thrice,she could be only controlled when my FIL locked her. I completely stopped talking to her after this and only used to talk to my FIL for food or any other thing. She made lot of friendly gestures towards me but I rejectedall of them and just kept on doing my duty. we took them out as planned for trips or other weekend getaways, I got photos clicked with them (since she was concerned that all relatives will ask her about my absence fromthe photos). a week before they were suppose to go, one day my husband was home too. she started banging the vessels (broke two plates, glass) eyc ,so my DH asked herwhy areyou doing this? She tells him that we have not fulfilled our duty, asa daughter in law it is my duty to absorb whatever a mother in law says. I have worked very hard to educate you, now I needed someone on whom I can takeout my frustration but she doesnt talk to me. she started accusing my husband for doing love marriage and they got involved in a huge fight. I just said that I will call 911 if you guys wont stop shouting and howling, and breaking otherstuff. On this my MIL says prepone my tickeys I want to leave right now and gave a glare full of hatred and said you have taken away son, god will never forgive you. My husband in a fit of rage pre-poned their tickets and sent them back the next day. She told my husband, she doesn't have any kind of relationship with me. I don't know if this problem.aggravated if I answered her back orignored her friendly gestures after thefight. I never wanted them to go back like this and since then I am so guilt ridden and feeling depressed. I could have stayed silent as always but that would have ddeeply impacted my mental health. Am I bad person for raising my voice on her and then.threatening to call 911. I feel, I amthe reason behind their going back to India a week early. Now she will make me a vamp.amongst all the relatives. I am just too depressed:(
Sorry for such a long post but had to vent out somewhere.