Hi friends
I am sorry for this long post.
A brief about my relation with inlaws... obviously not very good.
I have been married since 3 years and me and dh dont stay with ils. we visit them for 10-15 days after every 7 8 months. so the communication means is just phone calls. In initial dys of my marriage, i used to call ils every 2nd day. Slowly they started passing vague comments, i was an innocent girl, i never replied back to them. When their frequency increased, i started involving my dh. But that was a blunder decision. My dh shouted everytime, 3 4 times he gave me silent treatment(5 6 days). i was alone in an alien country, i had no friends at that time, i sulked a lot. My life was no less than hell. Intensity of arguments, fights with dh were increasing. Because of this tensed environment, i slowly reduced my communication with them, i dint felt like calling them and saying mummy ji mummyji everytime. then after an year i stopped calling them completely. After my wedding i have been to india 3 times and their my dh made my life more worse. He also commented a lot just to show his mom. My fil also shouted on me very badly (he shattered my self respect in a moment).
I absorbed everything but my bil and mil's poisioning dint stopped. I am not blaming them, i heard them saying bad words for me and my dh being a bid mummas boy took all teachings and created further distances between me and him.
Some examples for an idea... dont let her go for a job.. she ll go out of hands then, if she dont behave well, let us know, we ll aske the lawyer for divorce. her mom is a bitch, she teaches everything to her. these are 2 3 e.gs. Ahundred more are there.
When i stopped talking they had something in mind that i would go to them for apologies which i dint. My dh too stopped my mil to call me so as to show that i am least wanted in their house.
This went on for an year. I started preparing for an exam, and my dh started supporting me. We bought a condo and there came some problems with home loan and we had to make a huge downpayment to get that approved. i supported my dh at every step.
My dh started trusting me more but still till now he hides every small detail about his family. my ils asked him to do so.
Whatever my life is more or less sound now. Dh tells everything about his office, discusses his issues(accept ils), accepts my suggestions.
A month back my fil said some inappropriate words, which were against my dignity. My dh asked him to stop such things(it was a formality as i was crying).
On this weekend i had a big fight, he apologised and became very sweet then. yesterday we had a discussion where he accepted some of his follys with an intention that i would start calling them everyday, would listen all their craps, would b a loving and cordial dil again. it was his political move
whenever they call my dh and asks me to talk, i talk with them normally. If they need any favour, i do that. i dont run from my responsibilities.
Now my point is, how could i talk lovingly to people who spoiled my life and are consistently doing it.
My dh is constantly pressurising me to call them everyday, to behave like her real daughter which i can not be. i tried my best in initial days and they gave me tears.
One more thing, they are not realising their bad dos, still filled in ego.
how to handle? please help
I am sorry for this long post.
A brief about my relation with inlaws... obviously not very good.
I have been married since 3 years and me and dh dont stay with ils. we visit them for 10-15 days after every 7 8 months. so the communication means is just phone calls. In initial dys of my marriage, i used to call ils every 2nd day. Slowly they started passing vague comments, i was an innocent girl, i never replied back to them. When their frequency increased, i started involving my dh. But that was a blunder decision. My dh shouted everytime, 3 4 times he gave me silent treatment(5 6 days). i was alone in an alien country, i had no friends at that time, i sulked a lot. My life was no less than hell. Intensity of arguments, fights with dh were increasing. Because of this tensed environment, i slowly reduced my communication with them, i dint felt like calling them and saying mummy ji mummyji everytime. then after an year i stopped calling them completely. After my wedding i have been to india 3 times and their my dh made my life more worse. He also commented a lot just to show his mom. My fil also shouted on me very badly (he shattered my self respect in a moment).
I absorbed everything but my bil and mil's poisioning dint stopped. I am not blaming them, i heard them saying bad words for me and my dh being a bid mummas boy took all teachings and created further distances between me and him.
Some examples for an idea... dont let her go for a job.. she ll go out of hands then, if she dont behave well, let us know, we ll aske the lawyer for divorce. her mom is a bitch, she teaches everything to her. these are 2 3 e.gs. Ahundred more are there.
When i stopped talking they had something in mind that i would go to them for apologies which i dint. My dh too stopped my mil to call me so as to show that i am least wanted in their house.
This went on for an year. I started preparing for an exam, and my dh started supporting me. We bought a condo and there came some problems with home loan and we had to make a huge downpayment to get that approved. i supported my dh at every step.
My dh started trusting me more but still till now he hides every small detail about his family. my ils asked him to do so.
Whatever my life is more or less sound now. Dh tells everything about his office, discusses his issues(accept ils), accepts my suggestions.
A month back my fil said some inappropriate words, which were against my dignity. My dh asked him to stop such things(it was a formality as i was crying).
On this weekend i had a big fight, he apologised and became very sweet then. yesterday we had a discussion where he accepted some of his follys with an intention that i would start calling them everyday, would listen all their craps, would b a loving and cordial dil again. it was his political move
whenever they call my dh and asks me to talk, i talk with them normally. If they need any favour, i do that. i dont run from my responsibilities.
Now my point is, how could i talk lovingly to people who spoiled my life and are consistently doing it.
My dh is constantly pressurising me to call them everyday, to behave like her real daughter which i can not be. i tried my best in initial days and they gave me tears.
One more thing, they are not realising their bad dos, still filled in ego.
how to handle? please help