"Is there any way to reduce SIL's visits?"
I read this entire thread so carefully the incidents posted by many friends there are so very close to my current situation & I think most of us who are living in JF are more or less facing such issues.
I am posting here separately because after writing all, I realized its a bigger post with mixed problems. May not be apt to post it under same thread.
I am just feeling sooo pi**** off & hopeless!! I am not finding any solution... I may be wrong at judging my current situation and that's how sharing with you all to understand the way fwd.
My SIL used to visit our home too frequently as in mini. 3-4 times in a week (almost daily). Wanted or Un-wanted, problems arose because of obvious reasons - MIL being too partial and forget the world whenever sil is around, pampering her to the height and treating me as her servant, literally!! I kept on bearing all thinking things will change soon as she was expecting and once she will have a kid, she will get less time to barge in! But i was wrong!! Lately she got blessed with an angel. Maximum days she could hold herself back at her home were 30 days after which she came running to our home feeling HOME SICK:help
She is married (love marriage) and is keeping good at her home. She left working after she conceived & thus she has ample time. She used to be with us all the times and even used to send food at her home from here. Her in-laws are off n on here as they have their home in another state as well, so max. time her ILs are not with her. Soon she completed 30 days with her kid at her home, she came to stay with us for 20 days! We have full time maid but she is utilizing our maid's services to the max. possible. I am full time working and come home in evening. I have told maid certain basic tasks like cleaning my room, laundry, taking care of my kid once she is back from school and that's all. I go mad seeing none of this happening and when i question my maid, she has a simple reason that my SIL is here and she is running all the day doing her tasks! What about my KID? She is sitting at our home now every 2nd or 3rd day.
Just before her delivery, my mil and me got into some conflict for which we stopped talking to each other. Now my mil also has got good excuse to avoid things as she is not answerable to anyone.... She intentionally is adding to the situation by making me feeling an outsider and giving me cold behavior but in front of my hubby, she behaves the other way round. As I mentioned in my earlier post as well, all of these (as in my mil, sil & fil) used to gang up and indirectly tease me by avoiding me, sitting together, even involving my kid with them and not talking to me at all, eating, talking and laughing sitting in front of me using maid services and totally avoiding my presence. I feel like an intruder in my own home. Being working and have a kid studying in school, i cannot afford to go to my mom's house as it is not even near to my home. I feel all left alone, though lately I have started keeping myself occupied either by going on walk, of watching TV in my room but is that the solution? I feel like jailed in my own house. I have tried discussing this many a times with my hubby but he tells me to ignore. How long one can do so?? He gets all the importance by in ILs, my sil is there most of the times getting her load and tantrums on! What is my place? Where shall I go ? and i am 200 percent sure that all this intentional, just to make me feel what I am feeling. I try to make myself understand this and also tries to avoid but it is actually difficult. How thick skin one can be!! Isnt' there some limit? PS - my H comes quite late home, he has got a shift duty so he is not around me to see all this.
Lately, some one expired in my ILs family and my MIL dint even bother to talk or tell me this. She kept talking on phones with her relatives and others and I got to know from my hubby. He went to the Cremation ceremony. I told him to let me know whenever I am required to go for the final rituals. To my dismay, my ILs went without telling me to the Kriya ceremony where entire family was present. They did it intentionally to spoil my image in front of the extended family. I was literally shocked. I discussed with my H without fighting on the issue, again he told me to ignore as if they are not bothered, I should also not be!
I am kind of getting ripped. Separation with ILs is a big NO. This will happen No day. Living in such an atmosphere is taking a toll on my health as well. I am not able to understand what to do. Anyone here suggest me a way fwd!!!